I Told My Sister About My Parent's Abuse. She Didn't Believe Me.
This caller told her sister about the abuse she experienced at the hands of her parents. She didn't take her side.
Q: I opened up to my sister about the abuse in our family, and she acted like I was forcing her to take sides. I feel so alone now. How do I deal with this kind of response from a sibling who had a different experience growing up?
When you share your truth, especially if it’s the first time, it can be deeply vulnerable. And when that truth isn’t met with compassion, it can feel like you’re being retraumatized all over again.
It’s common in abusive families for one child to be harmed while another is treated as the “golden child.” This doesn’t mean that the favored child had a perfect experience. It means they learned to perform, to please, to stay in line, because deep down, they likely sensed that love was conditional.
When a sibling is still relying on your parents emotionally or financially, or if they’ve bought into the idea that “things weren’t that bad,” they may see your truth as a threat. To believe you means they have to reframe their entire understanding of the family. And that’s terrifying for some people.
Your sister may be protecting her version of the story, not because it’s more accurate, but because it’s more comfortable.
This doesn’t excuse her reaction. But it might help explain it.
You can give her space, sure. But if she continues to dismiss your experience or side with your parents despite clear harm, you’ll need to decide: What kind of relationship do I want with someone who can’t acknowledge my truth?
That’s when boundaries come into play. Maybe the relationship becomes more distant. Maybe certain topics are off-limits. Maybe you choose to stop trying to convince her.
You are not alone, even if your family is not with you.
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