How To Explain Family Mental Illness To Your Kids

Explaining mental illness and mental health struggles to children can be challenging. If you are attempting to explain a family member’s mental health struggles to your child, these scripts and tips will help make that conversation more effective and less anxiety-provoking for both you and the child. You also can use these scripts when someone is exhibiting different behavior or has to take time away for treatment.

Kids Under 5

Keep your tone simple, reassuring, and calm. Explain the family member’s absence or odd behaviors in a way that is easy to digest, reassure them that they are safe, and validate their feelings. They do not need to know much additional information or details that do not apply to them. Keep your own emotions in check by taking deep breaths before discussing difficult topics. Reassure yourself that you’re doing the best you can to explain things in a simple, comforting way.

• "Sometimes, people get really sad or have feelings that make them act a little differently. Your [family member] is having a hard time right now, but that doesn’t change how much they love you."
• "Sometimes people need time to feel better."
• "Your [family member] is not feeling well, and that’s why they can’t be with us right now."
• "It’s okay to feel sad, angry, or confused about it."
• “It’s okay to miss them. We miss them too.”
• You’re safe, and we’ll take care of you."
• "Even when someone feels sick or different, they still love you."

Ages 5-10

Keep your tone gentle and straightforward, with some room for their own questions. Offer more concrete explanations about behaviors and absence, provide emotional clarity, and reinforce safety and love. Use simple, clear language, and answer questions directly, but don’t overwhelm them with too much information. Take a moment to check in with yourself to manage your emotions so you’re calm and can model healthy emotional regulation.

• “Sometimes, people can feel very sad or worried, and it makes them act in ways that seem strange or different. Your [family member] is going through a tough time and can’t always be around. It’s not because they don’t love you."
• “Everyone feels sad or scared sometimes, even adults."
• "They need help right now to feel better, and that's okay."
• "Their behavior doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you."
• "It’s okay if you feel mad, sad, or confused. Those are normal feelings when things change."
• “It’s okay if you miss them or wish things were different.”
• "We’re still a family, and we will always make sure you’re safe."
• "Even if things feel different right now, you’re still loved."

Teens or Young Adults

Keep your tone honest, empathetic, and respectful while offering understanding. With older kids, you’ll want to acknowledge the complexity of mental illness, help them process the family dynamics, and emphasize personal responsibility while offering support. Encourage open dialogue, letting them know they can always come to you with questions or concerns. Keep calm and patient.

• "I want to talk to you about your [family member]. Right now, they’re struggling with some mental health issues. Sometimes, this makes them act differently or even push people away. It’s not about you—it’s about what they’re going through."
• "Mental illness can make people behave in ways that are hard to understand."
• "They might not be able to be around or act the same way, but that doesn’t mean they don’t care about you."
• "It’s normal to feel frustrated, confused, or even angry about this situation."
• “Sometimes, people dealing with mental health issues feel like they can’t connect with others. They’re not pushing you away on purpose—it’s just that they might not be able to reach out."
• “Recovery is a long process. It’s not something we can control."
• "It’s understandable if you feel angry or let down. It’s hard when a family member isn’t acting like themselves."
• "Your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to need time to process what’s going on."
• "Even if they’re not acting like themselves, they still love you, and we’re here to support you through this."
• "You are not responsible for their illness, but it’s okay to be concerned or want them to get better."