How Do I Say This?: I Want A Stable Life, But Sometimes I Act Like I Don't

Many adults report wanting a stable life, but their actions prove otherwise. This can be confusing for your family members, partner, or peers. Sometimes, we unknowingly recreate patterns of chaos in our lives because we are trapped in patterns from our childhood.

You may want to explain what is happening to you to a therapist, partner, family member, or other support system. By explaining that you want stability and why you may be drawn to chaos, the people around you can learn to support you better when you engage in old patterns.

Here are some ways to explain this to people in your life:

• “I really want to have more stability in my life, but I get really uncomfortable when things are too calm. This is because I experienced _______ in my life, and it’s hard to stop recreating that pattern.”
• “When I start sabotaging our stability by creating more chaos, you can help me by ______.”
• “Sometimes I will create chaos in our life when I feel insecure. It looks like this when I’m doing that: _________.”
• “I know that it’s challenging for everyone when I create chaos for our family. I am trying to break that pattern, and you can support me by ______.”