10 Signs of Healthy Love (And How to Cultivate It)

If you’ve never experienced or witnessed healthy love, you might not fully understand what it looks and feels like. That’s ok, you can learn.

In this article, we will cover:

• 10 clear signs of healthy love with specific examples
• What to do if you’ve never experienced healthy love
• How to attract healthy love

10 Clear Signs Of Healthy Love

1. Emotional Safety. You feel secure and valued, not anxious or on edge. You are not scared to share how you feel.

Example: You have a rough day at work and feel overwhelmed. When you tell your partner, they listen and say, "I’m here for you. Do you want to talk about it or just hang out together?"

1. Mutual Respect. Your feelings, boundaries, and goals are considered. In your gut, you feel like this person truly respects you. You don’t have to wonder or question it.

Example: You need alone time to recharge after a long day. You tell them, "I love spending time with you, but I also need some solo time to reset." They respond with, “Of course! I totally understand and want you to take care of yourself."

1. Honest & Open Communication. You can express yourself without fear of judgment.

Example: You’re feeling distant from your partner. Instead of bottling it up, you say, "I’ve been feeling a little disconnected lately. Can we talk about what’s going on?" Your partner listens and works with you to reconnect.

1. Consistency, Not Intensity. The relationship is steady and reliable, not a rollercoaster.

Example: You and your partner have been together for a year. They show that they love and care about you by showing up when they say they will, sending you regular messages, and learning about what you enjoy in a relationship.

1. Healthy Conflict Resolution. Disagreements are handled with respect, not manipulation. You can talk about an issue and actually find a way to resolve it.

Example: During an argument, you tell your partner, "I felt hurt when you canceled our plans without letting me know." They listen and acknowledge the hurt, "I see how that upset you. I’ll check in with you before changing plans next time."

1. Interdependence, Not Codependence. You support each other while maintaining your identities.

Example: You love spending time with your partner, and they love spending time with you. When either of you want to spend time with friends or engage in hobbies, you encourage one another.

1. You’re Chosen, Not Just Tolerated. You don’t have to constantly prove your worth through a specific performance. You know you are valued.

Example: Your partner finds ways to show they care about you and checks in regularly. They make time for plans together, send messages, and express care or affection regularly.

1. Shared Values and Future. You align on most important values, and when you don’t, you’re able to compromise and respect one another.

Example: You and your partner align on your most important core values—like how you will handle money, family, and career goals. You can talk openly about their future together.

1. Safe Haven, Not A War. Your relationship is an escape from the craziness of the world. It is your foundation, not the source of all your stress.

Example: You and your partner are stressed out by the outside world, but you protect your relationship from that stress and do not take it out on one another.

1. You Like Who You Are. You are a version of yourself that you love in this relationship. You become better and more of who you want to be.

Example: When you are in a relationship with this person, you achieve your goals and like who you are. They make you feel more secure, understood, and aligned with who you want to be.

I’ve Never Experienced Healthy Love. How Will I Know?

After reading that list, you may realize you’ve never experienced healthy love or anything close to it. People in this position may experience anxiety about their ability to identify healthy love and maintain it.

First, you need to become aware of those signs and their opposites. You may be able to think of specific examples from your previous relationships where you felt like your relationship was a battlefield, you didn't like who you were, or you didn’t share a vision for the future.

Then, you need to get used to spotting those green flags and allowing yourself to ride the wave of anxiety when you’re experiencing them. Healthy love can feel wildly uncomfortable and uncharted for people who have only experienced volatile relationships. Remember, the toxic relationship might be what feels comfortable because it is familiar. It’s not comfortable because it’s good. A loving, respectful relationship might feel uncomfortable because it’s new, not because it’s bad. You have to ride that wave and retrain your brain.

You can also focus on attracting healthy love yourself. You can do this by looking at the list of ten signs of healthy love and finding ways to embody them yourself. Remember, creating healthy love is a two-way street. It’s not just about looking for a healthy partner; it’s about being a healthy partner.