How Do I Say This?: Mom, I Don’t Want Suggestions

Here are some ways you can respond to criticism or suggestions:

• Decide what you are willing to tolerate. Make a list in your journal or with a therapist of when you feel criticized by your mother. Are there any areas that profoundly impact you? Are there some areas where you could work on becoming stronger and less sensitive? Is there a way to see her suggestions differently?
• Discuss it with them. If you haven’t tried yet, I would attempt to bring this up with your mom safely. You need to tell people how you feel and allow them to change. Try to have a productive conversation and use “I” statements: “When you criticize X, I feel Y.” How your parent responds will tell you how to proceed.
• Set boundaries. Evaluate when your mother seems to criticize you and what topics she focuses on. You can then decide where you need to set boundaries. Boundaries are not about telling her what she can and cannot do. Instead, I want you to focus on what you will do. If your mother constantly criticizes your success, you might decide you will not call her when you have something exciting to share. You set a boundary and ensure she cannot stomp on your excitement.
• Respond in the moment. If you feel up to it, you can respond in the moment.
  • If your mom says, “Wow, I can’t believe you would wear that,” you can respond by saying, “I love this skirt,” and change the subject. Sometimes, this is enough to disrupt the cycle and stop their criticism before it gets out of control.
  • “I am not ready for suggestions or advice. I’ll let you know when I am.”
  • “I appreciate you trying to help, and I know it’s coming from a good place. I’m just not ready for any advice right now.”
  • “Thanks so much. I’ll think about it.”