How Do I Say This?: How To Talk To Your Mom About Hard Things

It can be challenging to bring up certain topics with your mother. She may not feel comfortable discussing certain things, there can be cultural or generational differences, or your mom just doesn’t have experience discussing things like this. And you can begin to create new norms in your family.

If you want to bring up a sensitive or difficult conversation with your Mom, here are some suggestions:

• Approach the topic with sensitivity. This topic might not seem challenging for you, but it can still be difficult for your mother. Try to validate that you know this is a difficult thing to discuss. “I know we haven’t talked about this before….” or “I know this is a hard thing to discuss, but I hope we can talk about it.”
• Set the stage for the conversation. Giving a little warning before bringing up something difficult is always good. You may want to set a time when you know you’ll be alone and everyone will be calm.
• Allow the other person to take breaks. When having difficult conversations, it’s common to want to get it over with and find a resolution. Remember, your Mom may not have had as much time to sit and think about this. She may not be at the same stage in her processing. “If you need to take a break, that’s ok. I know this is a hard thing to talk about.”
• There’s a chance your Mom may not be able or willing to discuss this topic. If that happens, you will have to accept their unwillingness for now and make a decision about the relationship. For some people, this will mean the end of a relationship. For others, it will mean moving past this issue without a conversation or resolution.