How To Find A Therapist That Works With Family Estrangement

Finding a therapist who specializes in family estrangement can be difficult. In our experience, some therapists are way too quick to push reconciliation or “being the bigger person” to preserve family dynamics. Adults who have been abused or neglected at the hands of their parents may endure additional trauma when a therapist does not treat this as an abusive dynamic.

Some of you may be in the early stages of considering estrangement. You have not made the decision, and you are looking for someone to help you navigate your options. You are not looking for a therapist to decide for you, and they should not have the power to make that choice. Only you can decide.

At Calling Home, we think it is essential that adults who are considering estrangement find a therapist who truly understands the nuanced dynamics of a family and can make space for culture, religion, gender dynamics, and other influences.

Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you find the right therapist if you are navigating family estrangement:

Specialization in Family Dynamics and Estrangement: Look for therapists who focus on family issues, estrangement, trauma, or relational dynamics. Therapists with experience in these areas will understand the unique emotional challenges that come with family conflicts and cut-offs.

Therapeutic Approach: Certain approaches, like internal family systems (IFS), EMDR, family systems therapy, or trauma-informed therapy, can help process deep emotional wounds related to estrangement. It’s important to find a therapist who can clearly articulate why they would use a specific approach with your presenting concern. Estrangement often involves emotional trauma, and trauma-informed therapists can provide specialized support. Search directories or ask therapists directly if they have experience dealing with trauma, specifically family-related trauma.

• How would you use (insert therapy modality) to help me with (insert your specific issue)?

Use Your Community and Online Resources:

• Psychology Today’s Therapist Directory: This is one of the largest online directories, allowing you to search by specialty, including family conflict or estrangement. You can filter results by location, insurance, gender, and therapeutic approach.
• GoodTherapy: Another great directory that lists therapists by specialty, including family therapy and trauma.
• Together Estranged: Together Estranged, Inc. provides free support services to adults estranged from family members.
• Local Clinics: Many cities have clinics specializing in family therapy or counseling centers affiliated with universities offering reduced-cost therapy services. Ask if they have therapists experienced in family estrangement or parent-child conflicts.
• National Association of Family Therapists: Search for licensed marriage and family therapists (LMFTs) who specialize in family estrangement.
• Relate (UK-based): If you're in the UK, Relate is an organization that offers counseling services focused on family relationships. Many of their therapists have experience with estrangement issues.

Read Reviews and Check Credentials: While searching, read reviews of therapists when available to get a sense of their effectiveness in treating family issues. Ensure the therapist is licensed and check for specific certifications in family therapy, such as Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), often indicating experience in family issues.

At The Consultation: Schedule a consultation (usually free) to get a feel for how the therapist works and if they can help you.

• Ask about their experience with family estrangement, approach to healing fractured relationships, and how they help clients navigate difficult family dynamics. Some helpful questions:
  • Have you worked with clients dealing with family estrangement before?
  • What is your approach to helping someone process the pain and complexity of family estrangement?
  • How do you handle issues around setting boundaries, reconciliation, or moving on from estranged family members?

Consider Group Therapy or Support Groups: In addition to individual therapy, you may also benefit from group therapy or support groups for those dealing with family estrangement. Some organizations offer group sessions where people share their experiences and provide mutual support. We have groups at Calling Home every week.