Ways To Express Yourself When You Don't Feel Heard

Many family members try to communicate clearly but don’t feel heard or understood. If you feel like something is being lost in translation, you may need to adjust how you communicate.

Here are some ways to express yourself when you don’t feel heard:

• Try to understand how you are actually feeling. Sometimes we think someone doesn’t understand us because we don’t understand how we’re feeling. If you find yourself feeling like you can’t describe your own feelings, it’s possible that other people won’t understand yet either. This doesn’t mean that you’re too much or that no one will understand you; you may just need time to find clarity.
• Try to refrain from blaming others. When we don’t feel understood, we often resort to tactics that make us feel louder and more powerful. We might lash out, blame, or use disrespectful language to try to be heard. This will not help.
• Ask if they understand you and try to have them explain. “I don’t feel like you’re understanding me. Do you think you are? What does it sound like I’m trying to say?”
• State what is happening for you emotionally and physically. Call out your feelings: “I’m starting to get defensive because it doesn’t feel like you understand me. Can we figure out where things are getting lost in translation?”

There are moments when someone is actively trying not to understand you. They may make you feel like you’re being confusing or unclear while they’re not attempting to hear what you’re saying. You will have to decide when you need to express yourself differently or when you need to walk away.