What to Say When a Partner or Friend Doesn’t Understand Your History with an Emotionally Immature Parent

Some people may not fully understand what it’s like to have an emotionally immature parent. Here are some scripts you can use and make your own when you’re explaining your family history to a partner or friend.

• “I know my reactions might not make sense if you haven’t experienced this. Growing up with an emotionally immature parent changes the way you see relationships, and it’s not something you can fully understand from the outside. I just need you to trust that this is real for me.”
  
• “I’ve tried talking to my parent in healthy, direct ways. They cannot hear me or take responsibility. This isn’t about not trying. I’m just aware of what’s possible and what isn’t.”
  
• “I know they’re my parents. I have to base my boundaries on their behavior, not on what I wish the relationship could be.”
  
• “I’m not asking you to fix my relationship. What helps most is when you listen, believe me, and understand that my choices come from years of lived experience.”
  
• “Your relationship with your parents is different. We’ve had completely different experiences, so I may not be able to approach this in the same ways.”
  
• “I’ve thought a lot about my boundaries with my parent. Reconnecting right now would put me back in the same painful patterns I’ve been working hard to heal from. I need you to trust that I’ve made the healthiest choice for me.”
  
• “It’s clear we see this differently. I don’t need you to agree with me, but I do need you to respect my boundaries with my parent.”