The Burden of Growing Up In Chaos: Max’s Story

Max and his three younger siblings found themselves in an environment that no child should endure. Every day after school, they came home to an empty house, often cluttered and dirty, with rarely any food in the fridge.

The Weight of Responsibility

Max, despite his young age, took on the role of a responsible adult. He was constantly worried about what mood his mom would be in when she got home. Most days, she would walk in screaming, throwing things, and blaming the kids for everything wrong in the home. Max tried to prevent these reactions by frantically cleaning the house after school and keeping his siblings quiet. He was so anxious about his Mom’s moods that he wouldn’t let his siblings play and became enraged when they were too loud or wanted to turn on the TV. Max doesn’t remember ever feeling like a child. From a young age, he was tasked with caring for his siblings, maintaining order in the house, and keeping his Mom calm.

The Golden Child

In very chaotic, dysfunctional families, one of the children will typically take on the role of managing the chaos. This is usually the golden child. Max, in this case, became the golden child—carrying the weight of the world on his young shoulders.

Carrying the Burden into Adulthood

In adulthood, Max has to find a way to step out of this golden child role. He may have to learn that everyone’s emotions and reactions are not his responsibility. Max may also have to work through his relationship with his younger siblings and how he was placed into a parent role within their dynamic. This may impact their adult relationships.

The Impact of Chaos on Development

When children grow up in chaos, they often seek out ways to control that chaos. They learn that they cannot rely on the adults in their life to maintain order and take on a task they simply cannot handle at that age. These children also miss out on key developmental milestones when they are managing household chaos. You cannot succeed in school, have friendships, or get enough sleep to succeed when you’re in this role. The case of Max highlights this tragic reality.