How Do I Say This?: Our Family Is Dysfunctional

• "I want to talk to you about a pattern in our family that has been upsetting me."
• "I was talking about (insert dysfunctional pattern situation) with my therapist and they thought it would be a good idea to talk about it with you."
• "Remember when ____ happened? I feel like it's still impacting me today. Can we talk about it?"
• "I love our family and want to spend time with you all. And, it’s really hard to spend time at home when X is happening."
• "I cannot spend time with our family until we discuss X. It really hurts me, and I need us to work on it as a family if we’re going to continue having a relationship.”

As always, you can only control how you deliver this message. If you have a family that is unwilling or unable to listen or reflect, you may be met with rejection, anger, or denial. If these statements do not work with your family, it might be more about their inability to be reflective or emotionally mature and not about how you said what you said. And, some families need time to understand and reflect. Their initial denial may not last forever. Use your own discretion here and know when to stop trying to get them to see your side.