How Do I Say This?: I Don't Want Us To Have Another Dysfunctional Conversation

You’ve been trying to decrease the amount of conflict your family is experiencing, but you can tell another dysfunctional conversation is about to happen.

Here are some things you can say:

• "I feel like we’re both getting too activated. I don’t think we should keep talking about this.”
• “I really don’t want to fight with you about this. Let’s talk about it another time when we’re both calm.”
• “I do not want to talk about X with you.”
• Attempt to change the conversation.
• “We said that we would try not to (yell, call each other names, etc.) when we talk and it’s happening again. Can we start over?”

As always, you can only control how you deliver this message. If you have a family member who is unwilling or unable to listen or reflect, you may be met with rejection, anger, or denial. If these statements do not work with your family members, it might be more about their inability to be reflective or emotionally mature and not about how you said what you said. And some people need time to understand and reflect. Use your own discretion here and know when to stop trying to get them to see your side.