Respectful Communication

Respectful family communication includes listening, trying to understand, showing empathy, and communicating without yelling, criticism, or disrespect.

At Calling Home, we believe that family members should treat each other with kindness, respect, and compassion. This means that family members expect to receive respect as part of their membership in the group and are also expected to give respect in return. If a family member decides they do not want to communicate this way, the other family members can evaluate how they would like to interact with this person. When the family system feels safe and supportive, the members can flourish inside and outside the system. Your family should not be your first or biggest bully. They should be the safe haven where you know you’re always protected and respected when the world is cruel.

There are many different perspectives on whether respect should be given to family automatically or if it needs to be earned. Some generations or cultures will argue that “you should respect your elders” no matter what they do to you. In contrast, the younger generations and more individualistic cultures tend to believe that respect should be earned, even by family.

Families tend to thrive when members earn respect through their participation in a healthy family dynamic.

This bidirectional dynamic will be disrupted when someone chooses not to participate. In most cases, respect, compassion, and kindness will breed more of the same. In relationships with severe pathology or anti-social tendencies, there may be situations where the kindest and most compassionate thing to do (for both of you) is not to engage. I am not saying you need to be kind or respectful to your abuser, but sometimes creating a culture of respect and compassion within a family requires someone to do something different. That may include being the one who communicates respectfully when others are not.

A Culture Of Respect Helps Families

• Achieve more closeness
• Learn how to communicate effectively
• Solve problems
• Have more fulfilling interactions
• Feel safe
• Experience less stress
• Be more resilient
• Have longer relationships
• Communicate better in the workplace, in romantic relationships, and with their peers
• Experience more confidence

Families Who Use Respectful Communication Try To Follow These Guidelines

• Think before you speak. Pause, and ask yourself: What is my intention?
• Tell the truth gently and with love. “I felt hurt when you said that to me yesterday.”
• Respect your differences. Work on being around people in small doses, setting boundaries around specific topics, and discovering where you agree.
• Ask for what you want, need, and desire. “I would love to spend time together next weekend. Are you free for dinner…”
• Listen to yourself and how you are saying things. Practice, continue working on your communication skills, and be self-reflective. We can all learn how to be better communicators.
• Try to avoid making assumptions. “I want to make sure this is what you meant…”
• Be open about how you feel. “When this happened, I felt sad…”
• Listen. Nod, make eye contact, and put your phone down.
• Clarify what you are hearing. “It sounds like you’re saying….”
• It’s not a joke if you're the only one laughing and someone else is hurt. Are you trying to be funny, or are you trying to put them down?