How To Support Children Through Their Own Challenges

Supporting your child through challenges can be difficult because of your own childhood trauma history. Here are some internal scripts (things you can say to yourself) and parent scripts (things you can say to your child) when they are dealing with challenging moments.

There are internal scripts (what the parent can say to themselves) and external scripts (what they can say to their children), tailored for different developmental stages.

Internal Scripts (What Parents Can Say to Themselves)

• “I don’t have to fix this. I just need to be present.”
• “It’s okay if I wasn’t supported like this—I can learn to do it now.”
• “This is my child’s experience. I can support without making it about my past.”
• “My calm helps my child feel safe. I can take a breath.”
• “My child’s feelings are not a threat. I can handle this.”
• “This is not my childhood. I am the parent now.”
• “My child is not my parent. I don’t have to shut down to survive.”
• “It’s okay that this is hard for me. I’m doing something new.”
• “Good parents struggle. Being present through the struggle is good parenting.”
• “I am not repeating the past—I’m choosing differently right now.”
• “It’s okay to not have all the answers.”

Parenting Scripts (What To Say To Your Child)

Young Children (Ages 2–6)

• “You’re having a big feeling. I’m right here with you.”
• “It’s okay to be upset. We will get through this together.”
• “Even when things are hard, I love you.”
• “Let’s take some big breaths together. One… two…”
• “You didn’t do anything wrong by feeling this way.”

School-Age Children (Ages 7–12)

• “It makes so much sense you’re feeling that way.”
• “You don’t have to go through this alone. I’m always here to help.”
• “Even grown-ups don’t get it right all the time. We learn from tough moments.”
• “It’s brave to talk about this with me.”

Teens and Young Adults (Ages 13–20’s)

• “I may not fully understand what you’re going through, but I care and want to be here for you.”
• “You don’t have to figure everything out right now. I trust you.”
• “I know I didn’t always have this kind of support growing up, but I want to do better with you.”
• “If you need me to just listen, I can do that.”
• “You’re allowed to struggle. I love you no matter what happens.”

Repair (Use These When You’ve Messed Up)

• “I didn’t handle that the way I wanted to. That’s on me, not you.”
• “I got overwhelmed, but that wasn’t your fault. I’m working on this.”
• “You deserve a parent who listens. I’m sorry I didn’t do that in the moment.”
• “Can we try again? I want to start that over.”