How to Talk About Parentification Without a Fight

Many adults may wish to explain to friends, partners, siblings, or parents why they feel this way, how parentification impacted them, and what they experienced. These scripts will help you bring up the topic and (hopefully) minimize defensiveness or minimization from the other side.

• “I’ve been learning about something called parentification. When I read about it, a lot of it sounded familiar to me. As a kid, I often felt like I had to hold everything together or take care of you. I’m not bringing this up to blame you. I just want to share how it felt, because it’s something I’m still trying to understand and heal from. I’d love it if we could talk about that sometime.”
  
• “I’ve been reflecting on how much responsibility we both had growing up. Sometimes I felt like I was the one doing everything Mom should have been doing. Did it feel like that for you?”
  
• “Growing up, I often had to take care of the adults around me. It’s hard for me not to jump in and try to manage your emotions or make everything better. I’m working on it, and it helps when you remind me that I don’t have to take care of everything.”