Book Recommendation: It’s Not You by Dr. Ramani

If you’ve been working through the impact of a narcissistic family system, It’s Not You by Dr. Ramani is our recommended read this month at Calling Home.

Many of you learned to take the blame for things that were never yours to bear. You learned to twist yourself into knots trying to please people who were never going to be satisfied, and when that didn’t work, you assumed you were the problem.

Dr. Ramani has a gift for naming the things that narcissistic families condition you to believe; that you’re too sensitive, too difficult, too much, not enough. She helps you understand why you were set up to feel this way and why these beliefs are so hard to shake, even long after you’ve left the family home or gone low or no contact.

What I love about this book is that it doesn’t just describe the problem; it shows you a path forward. Dr. Ramani provides readers with tangible tools to overcome self-blame, reconnect with their own reality, and reclaim their power. She teaches you how to stop handing over your energy to people who don’t have your best interest at heart, whether that’s a parent, sibling, partner, or friend.

If you’ve been in the cycle of trying to figure out how to fix yourself to make other people treat you better, this book is your permission to stop. It’s your reminder that it was never you, it was the system you were in.

It’s Not You is a great companion to the work we do here at Calling Home. It validates the experiences of those who have been harmed by narcissistic family dynamics and helps you build a stronger, more grounded sense of self, on your own terms.

I highly recommend it to all of our members who are ready to break the cycle and reclaim their life.