When Someone Defends Your Mother
These scripts are for those moments when someone defends your mother, and you want to hold your truth.
One of the most isolating parts of having a neglectful or cruel mother is the way other people respond when you try to talk about it. Most people can’t hold the idea that a mother could be harmful, and so they say things that feel dismissive even when they mean well: “But she’s your mother.” “She did her best.” “At least you had a mother.”
These scripts are for those moments when someone defends your mother, and you want to hold your truth without getting pulled into an argument or justifying your own experience.
“I know it’s hard to hear, and I’m not asking you to take sides. I’m just telling you what my experience was.”
“I appreciate that you care about me, but when you say she did her best, it makes me feel like what I went through doesn’t matter.”
“She might have done her best, and her best still hurt me. Both of those things can be true.”
“I’m not looking for you to fix this or agree with me. I just need you to listen.”
“I know she’s my mother. That’s actually what makes it so painful.”
“I’ve spent a long time trying to see it from her side. Right now, I need someone to see it from mine.”
“I don’t need her to be a villain, and I don’t need you to agree with me. I just need space to say what happened without being corrected.”
“When you defend her, it feels like you’re telling me my pain doesn’t count. I know that’s not what you mean, but that’s how it lands.”
“I’m not asking you to stop loving her or to see her the way I do. I’m asking you to believe me.”
“I can love my mother and still be honest about the ways she hurt me. I need the people in my life to be okay with that.”
“Thank you for listening. I know this is complicated, and I appreciate you being willing to hear me out.”