What To Say When You Catch Yourself Apologizing for Existing
If you grew up in a home where your needs were treated as burdens, you probably developed the habit of apologizing for taking up space.
If you grew up in a home where your needs were treated as burdens, you probably developed the habit of apologizing for taking up space. You say “sorry” before asking a question. You thank people excessively for basic kindness. You preface every request with some version of “I know this is a lot, but...”
These scripts are for the moments when you catch yourself doing it and want to practice a different response..
At Work
“I have a question about this project. Can we find a few minutes to talk through it?”
“I’d like to share a different perspective on this, if that’s okay.”
“I need some help with this. Can you walk me through it?”
In Friendships
“I’m going through something hard right now, and I could really use someone to talk to. Do you have time this week?”
“I appreciate you listening. This means a lot to me.”
“I’m not great at asking for help, but I’m trying to get better at it. Thank you for helping.”
In Romantic Relationships
“I need to tell you something that’s been on my mind. It’s hard for me to bring things up, but I want to be honest with you.”
“I know I tend to say ‘it’s fine’ when it’s not. I’m working on being more honest. What I actually need right now is...”
To Yourself
“I’m allowed to need things. Needing something doesn’t make me a burden.”
“I don’t have to earn the right to ask for help.”
“The guilt I’m feeling right now is old. It’s not about this moment. I can let it be there without letting it make my decisions.”