What To Say When She Acts Like Nothing Happened
These scripts are designed to help during those interactions, whether you choose to engage, set a boundary, or walk away.
If your mother denies, rewrites, or minimizes the past, you know how disorienting it can be to bring up something that hurt you and hear her say, “That never happened,” or, “You’re remembering it wrong.” It can make you question your own reality.
These scripts are designed to help during those interactions, whether you choose to engage, set a boundary, or walk away.
When She Denies What Happened
“I understand you don’t remember it the same way. But I do remember, and I know what happened to me.”
“We don’t have to agree on what happened. I’m telling you how it affected me.”
“I’m not going to argue about whether it happened. I know what I experienced.”
When She Minimizes or Deflects
“I know you don’t think it wasn’t a big deal. It was a big deal to me.”
“Telling me I’m too sensitive doesn’t change the fact that I was hurt. It just makes it harder for me to talk to you about it.”
“I’m not bringing this up to punish you. I’m bringing it up because it still affects me, and I’m trying to be honest.”
When She Says You Need to Move On
“I’m not stuck in the past. I’m trying to understand how the past is affecting me now.”
“I wish I could just move on. But that’s not how it works.”
“Moving on is exactly what I’m trying to do. Part of that process is being honest about what happened.”
When You Need to Disengage
“I can see this conversation isn’t going anywhere productive. I’m going to step back for now.”
“I don’t need you to agree with me. I just needed to say it. We can leave it here.”
To Yourself, When the Gaslighting Starts
“I know what happened. Her inability to acknowledge it does not change the truth.”
“I do not need her to validate my experience for it to be real.”
“Her version of the story protects her. My version of the story can be real even if it isn’t for her.”