What to Say When You’re Told You Shouldn’t Be Grieving
What to say when someone insists that you don’t have a reason to be upset about losing someone.
When you choose to cut someone off, or you’re grieving someone you had a complicated relationship with, it can be confusing for those who have never experienced this type of grief. They may insist that you don’t have a reason to be upset or express confusion over your grief about a person you chose to distance yourself from. In these moments, you have a couple of options:
- You can ignore their input. Change the subject, ask them not to bring it up again, and stop sharing information about this topic with them. They are not the right people to process your grief with, and they may simply not understand it.
- You can respond.
“I get that this kind of grief doesn’t always make sense if you haven’t experienced it. I know it’s confusing, but it’s still very real to me.”
“I’m not really grieving their death. Honestly, it’s more about the fact that our relationship is never going to get better now.”
“I didn’t stop loving them just because I had to protect myself from them.”
“I don’t want them back in my life, and I’m upset it has to be this way. I wish it could be different.”
“I know I made this decision, and I am still upset I had to make it. It’s a loss.”