How to Talk About Someone Honestly After They’re Gone

Someone can be loved by many and still deeply hurt you. You’re allowed to be honest about how you feel, and it’s important to evaluate when and where you should do that for your own benefit and protection.

It’s important to evaluate why you want to share.

• Am I sharing to express myself, or to seek validation that this person can’t give me?
• Am I trying to honor my feelings or change their memory?

Evaluate Your Audience

Sometimes they’re not the right person to share with. Before opening up, ask:

• Does this person know enough about this relationship to understand me?
• Are they open to understanding, or are they only protective of the person I’m speaking about?
• Are they able to offer support?

Make Sure The Timing Is Right

• Are you in a place where you can share without being totally overwhelmed?
• Is this person able to listen to you right now?

Silence now or in specific moments doesn't mean silence forever.

Pick the Right Setting

Certain settings are better for this type of honesty:

• Therapy or support groups
• Close friendships
• Journaling

In some settings, you're expected to censor yourself for the comfort of others (like funerals) and this may not be the safest or best place to share how you feel.

Protect Your Energy

• Will telling this story cost you more than it helps?
• Are you emotionally ready for their reactions or feedback?

Give Yourself Permission

You’re allowed to:

• Speak the truth even if others deny it.
• Stay silent even if others expect you to talk.
• Grieve someone who hurt you.

Refuse to romanticize someone just because they’ve died.