Things Functional Families Do and Say

In healthy families, the members try to:

Admit when there’s a problem (yes, they still have problems)

• “When Dad gets angry, he doesn’t handle his feelings in a safe way. Hurting people when you are upset is never okay.”

Promote a culture that promotes open communication, discussion, finding solutions, and apologizing when there has been wrongdoing

• “I should not have yelled at you like that. I am sorry.”
• “It seems like this isn’t working for us. Can we try to find a solution?”
• “I don’t like when you do that.”

Build a sense of trust and comfort

• Back up your words with action and apologize when you fall short.
• “I said I would pick you up on time from school today and I was late. I know you were worried about where I was and that must have been scary. I am going to try to be on time next time.”

Count on each other and do what they say

• “You can count on me to be there.”
• “I know it’s scary when Mom leaves. Remember I always come back.”

Have no physical or emotional abuse or neglect

• Families with physical or emotional abuse cannot function properly

Enforce developmentally appropriate rules

• A two-year-old and adult will of course need different rules and expectations

Allow members to pursue their own unique interests and be their authentic selves without fear of criticism, judgment, or retribution

• “I love watching you do something you love.”
• “I know I don’t totally understand this sport sometimes, but it makes me so happy to see you playing and having fun.”