What to Say When Someone Asks You to Keep a Secret That Will Hurt Someone Else

In some families, people are asked to keep secrets that are harmful or dangerous. These secrets may hurt a child, elderly person, or someone else in a vulnerable position. They could also implicate you in a crime or put you in danger. It’s not easy to shut someone down who is putting you in this position, and we know many of these scripts would be outright rejected by some of your family members.

However, these are a great starting point when you’re working on saying no and you want to keep yourself out of trouble. You can use these as a starting point and make them your own. Also, use your discretion and do not utilize these statements in situations that could expose you to more harm.

• “I can’t keep this to myself; someone will get hurt.”
• “I’m not going to stay quiet if it puts a kid at risk.”
• “I care about you, but I’m not okay hiding something that dangerous.”
• “I can’t be part of covering this up.”
• “I’m not risking myself by keeping this quiet.”
• “I’m not keeping these secrets anymore.”
• “I won’t stay silent if it hurts me or someone else.”
• “I get that you don’t want anyone to know, but I’m not willing to hide this.”