How to Respond When a Secret Is Revealed to You

When someone entrusts you with a major family secret, you may feel caught between wanting to help them and needing to protect yourself, especially if the secret impacts you. These phrases can help you respond in these difficult moments.

• “Thank you for trusting me with this. I need a little time to sit with what you’ve shared.”
• “I can hear how painful this has been for you.”
• “That sounds like such a heavy thing to carry.”
• “I may not have the right words yet, but I want you to know I’m listening and here for you.”
• “I need to be honest, I don’t know if I can keep this secret.”
• “I care about you, but I also need to be clear that I may not be able to keep this private if it harms someone else.”
• “I understand this is important to you, but I don’t feel comfortable being in the middle of this. I love both of you.”
• “I care about you, and that’s why I have to say, I don’t think I’m the right person for this. Have you thought about talking with [therapist/another family member/someone you trust]?”
• “I appreciate you trusting me, but I need to stop you here.”
• “I can see how hard this has been for you.”