How To Set Boundaries With Enmeshed Family Members
In enmeshed families, “no” can be difficult to say and hear.
Setting boundaries in an enmeshed family may be more difficult because it is such a foreign concept for the family unit. Family members may feel like they are being abandoned or rejected when someone attempts to set a boundary. It's important to note that feeling intense feelings of guilt or shame when you start to set boundaries within your enmeshed family is a normal part of this process.
- Be compassionate with yourself and others.
Remember, this may be the first time that your family has experienced boundary setting, and they are likely to have reactions. This does not mean that you’re doing anything wrong. You can have compassion and hold your boundaries.
“I know this is different, and I have decided what to do.”
“I understand this is hard for you, and I have made my decision.”
“I appreciate your advice. I know what I am going to do, and I’ll let you know if I need help.”
- Set limits on the amount of information you share.
In enmeshed families, there are no boundaries when it comes to information sharing. Family members often feel entitled to know every detail of one another’s lives and are offended when they are unaware of certain details. You have permission not to share every detail or to wait to share until you are ready.
- Spend time with individual family members.
Enmeshed families often feel like an indestructible unit where everyone has to be involved in every event and detail. Spending time with individual family members can make it easier to avoid old enmeshment patterns and maintain boundaries.
- Get comfortable saying “no.”
In enmeshed families, “no” can be difficult to say and hear. Find simple ways to practice saying “no” to family members and you will gain more confidence to set more important boundaries and limits.