How To Explain Enmeshment To Other People
June 17th, 2024
Ways to describe how enmeshment feels to a friend or partner who is trying to help you work through this experience.
Enmeshment can be insidious and difficult to describe to someone who has not experienced it. You may want to explain the enmeshment to a friend or partner who is trying to help you work through this experience.
Here are some ways to describe how enmeshment feels. If these do not capture your experience, please change them to fit the details of your experience.
These scripts are intended to get you started and do not fit everyone’s experience.
How To Explain Conformity
- “In my family, we were not allowed to have our own opinions. We were all supposed to think, feel, and believe the same things.”
- “In my family, people are shamed, ridiculed, or exiled for being different. I always tried to be like everyone else, so I wouldn’t get rejected.”
How To Explain Obligation
- “In my family, we were taught not to consider our own wants or needs because we had to take care of the family. It’s hard for me to recognize what I need or want.”
How To Explain Boundaries
- “Boundaries are not something that we do in my family. If you tried to set a boundary, someone would just bulldoze past it or not listen.”
- “In my family, there is an intense fear of conflict and/or abandonment. If I dared to go against the family, I would get rejected, or they would give me the silent treatment.”
How To Explain Sharing Information
- “In my family, it’s normal for adults to share about intense stressors, marital issues, sex, or other age-inappropriate topics with children. My parent would tell me everything, which was a lot to handle.”
- “In my family, children or adult family members are expected to be therapists, friends, advisors, or partners to their parents and other family members. Some of the adults act like children and expect the children to behave like adults. There are no clear roles.”
How To Explain Lack Of Privacy
- “In my family, children and/or adults are not allowed to have any privacy. I didn’t have my own space, and my family felt entitled to know everything about me. They get offended or upset when I conceal anything.”
- “In my family, there is excessive checking-in and surveillance. Everyone feels entitled to know everything about you all the time. If you want privacy, you are considered rude or secretive.”
How To Explain Individuality
- “In my family, self-exploration is discouraged. I don’t even really know who I am. It’s expected that you will become exactly like other members of the family.”