Ways To Set Boundaries This Holiday Season

There are scripts below for estranged family, gifts, food, events, and parenting. You can use these scripts as a guide and example. Please make them fit you, your voice, and your specific situation.

Setting Boundaries with Estranged Family

• Declining Contact or Invitations: “I appreciate you reaching out, but I won’t be able to join for the holidays this year. I hope you have a wonderful celebration.”
• Reiterating the Need for Distance: “The holidays are a busy time for me. I wish you all the best, but I won’t be able to come this year.”
• Establishing Clarity and Closure: “I need to be honest—I’m uncomfortable coming this year. Thank you for the invitation, but our issues are still there. I am not going to come around until we find a way to really repair the relationship.”

Gifts and Family

• Opting Out of Gift Exchanges: “I’m simplifying the holidays this year and won’t be doing a gift exchange. I can’t afford to get fits for everyone this year. I hope you understand.
• Setting Spending Limits: “I’ve set a budget for gifts this year, so I’m keeping things small and meaningful. I just wanted to let you know, and you can do the same for my gift if you’d like.”
• Redirecting Attention Away from Gifts: “I can’t exchange gifts this year. I would love to plan an activity together.”

Food

• Addressing Dietary Preferences or Restrictions: “I’m avoiding [specific foods] for health reasons, so I’ll bring a dish that works for me.”
• Deflecting Unwanted Food Comments: “I’m happy with what I’ve got on my plate—let’s talk about something else.”
• Declining Overeating Pressure: “Thank you, but I’m full right now. Everything was delicious!”

Holiday Events

• Declining Invitations: “Thank you for inviting me, but I won’t be able to attend this year. I hope it’s a wonderful celebration!”
• Opting Out of Traditions: “I’ve decided to skip [specific tradition] this year, but I’d still love to spend time together in a way that works for both of us.”

Parenting and Children

Limiting Parenting Advice: “I appreciate that you care, but we’ve got it handled.”

Setting Boundaries for Your Children: “We’re limiting screen time today, so I’d appreciate it if everyone could stick to that.”

Timing with Children: “We’re trying to keep things calm for the kids, so we’ll need to leave by [specific time].”