How To Become More Self Aware
Without self-awareness, you will continue participating in cycles you want to break.
What Is Self-Awareness?
The Oxford Dictionary defines self-awareness as the “conscious knowledge of one's own character, feelings, motives, and desires.” For decades, researchers have used various definitions of self-awareness. It has been defined as:
- The ability to monitor our inner world
- A temporary state of self-consciousness
- The difference between how we see ourselves and how others see us
Tasha Eurich is an organizational psychologist and executive coach who, with her team, conducted a large-scale scientific study of self-awareness. They examined self-awareness, why we need it, and how to increase it. Unsurprisingly, they discovered that while most people believe they’re self-aware, only about 10-15% of the people they studied fit that criteria. Self-awareness is essential for Family Cyclebreakers because it is the key that unlocks the door to the life you want for yourself and your family. Without self-awareness, you will continue participating in cycles you want to break.
In this article, we will discuss:
- Two types of self-awareness
- Why self-awareness is essential for family cyclebreakers
- What hinders self-awareness
- How to improve your self-awareness
The Two Types Of Self-Awareness
Eurich and her team identified two self-awareness categories: internal and external.
- Internal Self-Awareness: How we see our own values, passions, aspirations, fit with our environment, reactions, and impact on others.
- External Self-Awareness: Understanding how others view our values, passions, aspirations, fit with our environment, reactions, and impact on others.
Their research found that having high internal self-awareness did not guarantee high external self-awareness. They also highlight the need to work on both types of self-awareness, noting that the “highly self-aware people we interviewed were actively focused on balancing the scale.”
Why Is Self Awareness Important For Family Cyclebreakers?
Cyclebreakers need to be aware of how they see themselves and how others see them to assess their impact on the world and decide what behaviors need to be adjusted. Awareness must be achieved before change can happen. It’s also essential that family cyclebreakers continuously evaluate their relationships with themselves and others, looking for areas for improvement and applauding their efforts and growth. Without these regular check-ins, it’s unlikely that any cycles will be broken.
Self-awareness can also lead to better relationships, improved decision-making, enhanced emotional regulation skills, and more significant personal and professional growth. Being attuned to how you perceive yourself and how others perceive you will benefit you personally, relationally, and professionally.
What Hinders Self-Awareness
Studies show that experience does not always lead to more self-awareness. In contrast, seeing ourselves as highly experienced can stop us from seeking other perspectives or learning anything new.
An example that comes to mind is a parent who is completely unaware of how their adult child perceives them and refuses to learn anything new because “they are the parent.” Or, a grandparent who asserts they know precisely what to do with their grandchild because they were a parent for over 30 years. When someone lacks awareness of how their loved ones perceive them and they are overconfident in their abilities, there is no motivation to change or learn something new. It becomes much easier to blame others and dig their heels into what they already believe: they know everything, and everyone who thinks overwise is a problem.
Becoming self-aware can also feel risky and vulnerable, especially for those with a fragile sense of self. This is why many emotionally immature adults struggle to assess their impact on others accurately. It’s just too painful. If you fear confronting uncomfortable truths about yourself, don’t let that hold you back from developing this skill. You can focus on growth and remember that perfection isn’t expected or possible. It’s crucial to balance self-awareness and self-compassion because some people may slip into negative rumination due to excessive self-inquiry. If you find yourself labeling all of your behavior as bad and perceiving that everyone hates you, this might not actually be self-awareness. Instead, you may be falling into black-and-white thinking that consistently paints you as the problem. Remember that true self-awareness is dynamic and involves seeing your strengths and opportunities for growth.
How To Improve Your Self-Awareness
- Be Introspective, But Do It Correctly
In The Harvard Business Review, Eurich points out that being introspective doesn’t necessarily guarantee high levels of self-awareness. This may be because asking ourselves “Why?” after we experience a trigger or an overwhelming reaction is surprisingly ineffective. When we ask ourselves this question, we tend to create answers that are wrong but feel true to us because we are not in touch with many of our unconscious thoughts. Eurich and her team recommend that if you want “to increase productive self-insight and decrease unproductive rumination, we should ask what, not why. “What” questions help us stay objective, future-focused, and empowered to act on our new insights.”
- Seek Frequent Critical Feedback From Loving Critics
To improve your self-awareness, seek frequent critical feedback from people who are willing to tell you the truth with your best interest in mind. Getting a second opinion on any feedback you receive, that elicits a strong response or reaction is also important.
- Find Balance
When you examine your behavior and how others interact with you, balance constructive feedback with compassion. If you notice that your feedback is just you beating yourself up, pause and try to integrate compassion and actual strategies for change. Self-awareness should be rooted in improving your life, not just criticizing yourself.
- Consistently Check-In
Your awareness of yourself will constantly evolve as you grow and change. Different situations, people, and experiences call for an open mind about how you experience yourself and how others perceive you. Take the time to regularly check in on how you have changed, what you need to improve today, and the progress you have made in your life.
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