Family Rituals And Traditions

Family traditions connect us and provide meaning and enrichment to our lives. You may want to stay connected to past generations of your family, or you may want to completely abandon the past and start something new. Each family is unique, and you can choose what fits your life.

Traditions that fit your life will be

• more enjoyable than they are stressful
• appropriate for the age of the family members
• right for the interests of the family members
• incorporate the interests and opinions of other family members, not just the interests of one
• tied to your values as a family
• something you look forward to
• flexible and able to be changed

If you have no ties to your family, that is ok. You do not have to have a 100-year-old recipe and specific rituals to create ties and a healthy narrative in your family. Remember: you can be the one to start something new. There is power and excitement in that.

To identify which traditions you would like to keep in your family, work through these steps:

1. Make a list of all the family traditions you have. These can be things you have done recently or years ago. It may help to ask other family members or look back at old photos/videos.
2. Look through the list and highlight or cross out anything that evokes bad or distressing memories.
3. Look through the list and circle anything that evokes fond memories.
4. Could any traditions you circled or crossed off be changed or adapted to create a better experience?
5. If you have other family members who you would like to be involved in the process, this would be a great time to get their feedback on the list. Are there any family traditions they would like to continue?
6. Take a moment to consider the season of life you are in and how much longer you might be in that season. For example, if you have young children, are there any traditions you want to focus on now?
7. Think about making these traditions as flexible and enjoyable as possible. Remember, they’re supposed to be fun.
8. Pick a few to test this year and see how they work for you and your family. Remember, this is an experiment, and you can always change things.

How To Create New Family Traditions

If you are trying to create brand-new family traditions, you can follow a similar set of steps.

1. List all the holidays, seasons, occasions, etc. you feel are essential in your family. This might include religious holidays, birthdays, or other important milestones/days. You can also pick rituals or traditions you try to do daily.
2. Think about the feelings or values you want to focus on for each event. Is there a particular experience you want to have on that day? Are you honoring someone, trying to have fun, or relaxing?
3. If you have other family members who you would like to be involved in the process, this would be a great time to get their feedback on the list. Are there any unique ways they would like to celebrate or honor these events?
4. Take a moment to consider the season of life you are in and how much longer you might be in that season. For example, if you have young children, are there any traditions or types of celebration you want to focus on now?
5. Write down a few ways to celebrate each event you listed in Step 1. Don’t overwhelm yourself with tons of ways to celebrate. Start slow.
6. Think about making these traditions as flexible and enjoyable as possible. Remember, they’re supposed to be fun. Is there anything about this list that feels stressful or overwhelming?
7. Decide who will handle the execution of each of these traditions. Make this very clear.
8. Pick a few to test out this year, schedule them, and see how they work for you and your family. Remember, this is an experiment, and you can always change things.

How To Get Your Family On Board With New Traditions

It can be challenging to get family members on board with new traditions. Some family members are determined to hold onto old traditions despite them not working for others.

How I recommend introducing new family traditions in your family:

1. Decide who will be part of the tradition and who needs to know about it. Some traditions may only include you and your partner or immediate family. Attempting to change a long-standing tradition in your extended family will require a little more grace and patience.
2. Kindly explain how the tradition is becoming difficult for certain family members or why it may no longer fit. Try not to blame, name-call, or become aggressive. I also recommend bringing this up in advance of the holiday. You don’t want to try to change Thanksgiving the night before. You can start by asking, “Have you noticed it’s been hard to make Christmas dinner so late with all the new young kids in the family?” This may open up the door for dialogue and tends to work better than, “We’re not eating late anymore! I’m sick of it, and I just refuse.”
3. Invite others to be part of the new tradition development. People tend to respond better when they are included. If this is an event many people will participate in, invite them to discuss it and plan a more appropriate celebration.
4. Be open to hearing other complaints and opinions. Family traditions involve the entire family and must address multiple people's needs.
5. Remember that if the family is unwilling to adjust, change, or compromise, you may need to do what works for you. This may include attending later, leaving earlier, bringing your own food, skipping out on the event, etc.
6. Give people time to adjust. Traditions hold a lot of meaning, and there may be a sense of grief as the family changes. Traditions that end after a family member's loss may bring up many challenging feelings.

Examples Of New Family Rituals and Traditions

Here is a list of at least 50 activities that you can use to create meaningful traditions in your family.

When you’re reading this list, don’t overthink it. It doesn’t have to be Instagrammable and crazy. You could decide you have a family dance party one Sunday a month and eat pizza. You could take a walk as a family and have breakfast on your birthday. It just needs to be a meaningful, enjoyable way to spend time as a family. You can work through this list and see if any ideas sound fun or inspire you.

1. Eat dinner as a family.
2. Say a family prayer, cheer, or affirmation.
3. Share highs and lows at the dinner table.
4. Do different chores together and see who can do it the fastest.
5. Read a bedtime story together.
6. Have the same meal on a specific day or holiday.
7. Have a snack hour after school or at the end of the day to catch up.
8. Plan a unique family activity for each weekend. You can also let each family member pick the activity or plan the date night.
9. Family movie night.
10. Family dance party.
11. Take a walk.
12. Game night.
13. Do a weekly date night with your spouse (at home or out) and take turns planning it.
14. Write down your family goals.
15. Go on a one-on-one parent/child date.
16. Choose a few monthly holidays to celebrate throughout the year.
17. Do an interview on your birthday and ask the same questions to see how you change.
18. Use a special plate on your birthday or holiday.
19. Create magic with a delivery from the birthday fairy, tooth fairy, Santa, or the easter bunny.
20. Have each family member say why they love the birthday person at the dinner table.
21. Hang up family photos.
22. Celebrate half-birthdays.
23. Decorate the person’s room or door when it’s their birthday.
24. Let the kids stay up late.
25. Watch family home movies.
26. Make a gift for the neighbors.
27. Fill up a jar with achievements or fun moments from the year.
28. Read together.
29. Make a bucket list of things you want to accomplish.
30. Learn a new hobby or skill.
31. Hug goodbye.
32. Say I love you when you hang up the phone.
33. Leave each other surprise notes.
34. Write a card.
35. Have a morning routine.
36. Have a bedtime routine.
37. No phones at the dinner table.
38. Say one thing you appreciate about each other.
39. Go on a picnic.
40. Share a favorite food.
41. Learn a new language.
42. Visit a new place.
43. Take a drive in the car together.
44. Go to the beach.
45. Go to the park or somewhere outdoors.
46. Do something nice for your community or a non-profit organization.
47. Visit the library.
48. Take a family mental health day.
49. Do nothing together.
50. Go shopping.