Examples Of Boundary Setting With Family

If you are thinking about setting a boundary with a family member, ask yourself:

• What seems to be bothering me about this relationship? Where do I feel like I'm being impacted?
• What would improve this situation? Where could I set a boundary that might be helpful? What is my ideal outcome?
• What boundaries have I tried to set in the past? What happened?
• What makes setting this boundary hard?
• Is this person respectful of my boundaries?
• What will I lose if I don't set this boundary? What will I gain if I do?
• What am I afraid will happen if I try to set this boundary?
• Why do I want to set this boundary?

There are different types of boundaries you can set with family.

• Physical boundaries: Touching, your personal space, and your physical need to eat, sleep, rest, and drink.
• Emotional boundaries: Personal emotional needs, like sharing feelings and intimate details of your life.
• Time boundaries: How you spend and prioritize your time.
• Sexual boundaries: Personal consent and intimacy.
• Intellectual boundaries: Thoughts and ideas.
• Material boundaries: Personal belongings and property.

When you first start setting boundaries, you might feel like you’re being mean - especially with family.

It’s possible to combine empathy with a firm boundary (if you want to show empathy, sometimes you just want the boundary, and that’s okay). Empathy is making space for someone’s feelings and experiences. The boundary is protecting your own energy and needs. The two can coexist.

Try to think of a way that you can express the boundary + have empathy. Here's an example:

• "Mom, I love that you want to come over and see the baby. It's so important that we have you in our lives. Sunday is our day as a family. I would appreciate it if you didn't come over unannounced on Sunday. Please call us before, and we'll let you know if you can stop by."
• “We do not drink in our home. If you want to come over, there will not be alcohol at the house. We would love to see you.”
• “I’m with the kids after 7 PM and I’m not able to talk on the phone. I can call you back in the morning.”