How To Respond To Unwanted Comments This Holiday Season

The holiday season often brings out unwanted commentary from certain family members. This might be in the form of unsolicited advice, difficult questions, or a weird observation. While not all these comments or questions are meant to cause harm, it's okay if you don't want to speak about something personal.

You can respond to unwanted comments this holiday season in a few ways.

• Change the subject. Talk about the weather, mention how great the food is, or ask them a question.
• Set a boundary. If you really don't want to discuss something, you may want to set a firm boundary.
  • "I know what is best for me in this situation. I will ask you if I want advice."
  • "I don't feel comfortable talking about that right now."
• Say no.
  • "I'm not going to do that."
  • "That's not the right decision for me."
  • "I don't want to have a drink."
  • "I'm not trying to lose weight right now."
• Say thank you.
  • "Thank you for the advice."
  • "I appreciate your help."
  • "Thanks for noticing."
• Explain that the advice is unsolicited or the comment isn't necessary.
  • "I'm actually not looking for advice right now. Thank you for thinking of me, though."
• Let it go. Not every comment needs a response. It's ok to walk away and disengage.
• Bring it up later. Not every comment needs to be responded to or handled at the moment. You may prefer to table it and bring it up with your family member next week when the holiday celebrations are over. You can note your feelings and schedule a time to speak to them.
• Validate. Sometimes, the best way to end the conversation is to agree with them and attempt to end the dialogue.
  • "That's an interesting thought."
  • "I'll think about that."

Remember, this is highly contextual. If your 95-year-old grandmother makes a comment to you about not having a boyfriend, a boundary might be a little harsh. It might be better to laugh it off and say to yourself, "Typical grandma." How you may respond to a cousin or a sibling would be different than how you might respond to your parent. Think about what responses are best for your specific situation.