How To Manage Your Expectations During The Holidays

Expectations go up around the holiday season. This is the result of messaging that things should be a certain way. Influencers and mass media pump us with images of happy, smiling families for months leading up to this part of the year. We are told what our home should be like, how our family should be, and what we should do. When things don’t live up to expectations, it hurts.

The number one thing I want you to remember this holiday season is: Expect your family to be the same during the holidays. Expect them to be the same people they are every other day.

Here are some ways to manage your expectations and set yourself up for success.

• Remember who people are and how they usually act. Get really honest with yourself about what this day might look like.
• Identify your limits. Is there a specific behavior that you won’t tolerate today? Is there a sign that you need to leave the event? Get clear on your limits and plan for when those limits have been reached.
• Set boundaries in advance. Get ahead of the problem by being direct and clear about what you can contribute or participate in this holiday season. You may only attend one event, or you will stay until dessert. Let your family members know what they can expect from you so there aren’t any surprises.
• Practice saying no or any other difficult responses. I wrote a few scripts to help you respond to unwanted comments here. It’s a good idea to practice.
• Clarify your holiday values. What is the importance of this day for you? Is there a specific person you want to prioritize, like a child, an elderly family member, or even yourself? Is there a goal you have for the day - to rest, have fun, or see as many people as possible? Get clear on your values and what is important to you this holiday season, and try to align your actions with those values.

And if things go wrong, remember this: a holiday is a day. I get through 24 hours all the time. I can get through this. This day will end.