You Don't Need To Apologize For Being A "Bad Kid"

This is a hill I will die on: You do not need to apologize for developmentally appropriate behaviors you exhibited in childhood that were difficult for your parent to manage.

You don’t need to apologize for being an infant that never stopped crying.

You don’t need to apologize for having tantrums as a toddler.

You don’t need to apologize for being a hormonal or “difficult” preteen.

It is the parent’s job to learn how to be a good parent to that child, but it is not the child’s job to learn how to be a good child for that parent.

If your parents are asking you to apologize for how you were in childhood, you need to seriously consider what they are asking you to apologize for and if it makes sense to apologize for that behavior.

• Did you choose to behave that way purposefully?
• Were you behaving inappropriately, or was your behavior consistent with that of every other child your age?
• Was there a reason behind your behavior? Was there something you needed or were missing?
• Did you have the knowledge, awareness, or skills to behave differently?
• Did your behavior trigger your parent because they did not have the skills to manage their own emotions or reactions?
• Did your parent not have the skills or resources to help you with this issue, so it just worsened?
• When you look back as an adult, do you feel you were to blame for your actions? Are there any other explanations?
• When you see other children acting the way you did as a child, how do you feel about their actions?

Some parents understandably struggle to parent certain children because of their unique personality, temperament, diagnosis, behavioral issues, etc. Being a parent is challenging, and it requires you to constantly learn and pivot to meet your child’s needs. But again, this is not your fault, and it’s not your responsibility. You were a child, and you truly had no ability to change what was happening.

You were just a kid.