Adult Sibling Relationship Help

Why Multiple Siblings Can Grow Up In The Same Home And Have Completely Different Childhoods

January 2, 2024

Multiple siblings can grow up in the same house, with the same parents, and have completely different childhoods.

Multiple siblings can grow up in the same house, with the same parents, and have completely different childhoods.

These different experiences lead to different memories, different relationships with parents, and sometimes fractured relationships with one another.

Understanding your siblings

It's impossible to raise all your children the same.

When adults bring up their memories or beliefs about their childhood, most parents respond with some variation of: "Well, I raised you all the same." This response is difficult for the child that did not thrive under that parenting. Siblings who may enjoy their parent’s parenting style or are similar to their parents may also become highly defensive when a sibling brings up their parent’s shortcomings. Alliances form between certain family members, and people are ostracized for having a different experience. Sometimes we can do our best as parents, and it’s not the best that specific child needs. Sometimes we can do our best as siblings, and it’s not what that particular sibling needs. I know that can be hard to accept, and it’s something we must accept.It's impossible to raise all your children the same, and here's why:

  • You change as time passes.
  • You have varying degrees of knowledge with each child.
  • Each child is different and brings out different qualities in you. This makes you respond differently to each of them. This is common with twins or multiples where you did parent them all at the same time.
  • Each child faces a different external world - different pressures, influences, etc.
  • What you react to and how you choose to parent often changes based on things like gender and what is being triggered by your past.
  • Your relationships (marriage, co-parenting, and partnerships) will be in different places or with different people each time.
  • One of your children may grow up alone for some time, while another has never been without siblings.

So, the parent can control the lessons they teach their child, where they grow up, and the fact that they have them as a parent, but everything else is bound to change.

Each child will also interpret your parenting differently, impacting them differently. (Terrifying, I know). It would be nice if we could just find a way that worked and repeat it with each kid to get the same stellar results.

You can grow up in the same family as your siblings and have different memories, experiences, and beliefs about your childhood. The hard part is that your parents and siblings may not agree with your interpretation or memories, which can be painful.


  • sometimes everyone has a different memory or perspective, and they're all valid
  • some people deny what happened because it would force them to acknowledge their role in the situation
  • someone can deny your experience, and it can still be true
  • you don't need validation from others to validate yourself

Get Little Epiphanies in your inbox

A monthly email to help you re-think things you’ve been thinking about your family your whole life. Little epiphanies guaranteed.