The Truth About Trauma: A Conversation on Estrangement, Inner Healing, and Protecting Your Story

When people talk about trauma and healing, the conversation is often polished — sanitized for easy digestion. But in reality, healing from complex trauma, especially childhood trauma, is neither linear nor convenient. It’s a lifelong reckoning with parts of yourself that were forced to grow up too soon or disappear entirely.

In a deeply moving conversation, therapist Whitney Goodman and writer Nate Postlethwait sit down to discuss a topic that rarely gets the nuance it deserves: the raw, complicated truth about estrangement, complex trauma, and the personal boundaries needed for healing.

“I never set out to talk about trauma. The universe just kept knocking.”

Nate never intended to become a voice for survivors. A private and introverted person, he found himself reluctantly drawn into this space. “I value my story too much to hand it over publicly,” he says. “The world hasn’t proven it knows how to hold it with the care it deserves.”

But what began as quiet journaling and personal reflection became a source of resonance for thousands. “I started sharing some of my thoughts, and instead of people saying, ‘That explains a lot about you,’ they said, ‘That’s my story too.’”

On Trauma and the Need to Be Honest

In an era that often rushes to slap positivity over pain, Nate’s refusal to romanticize trauma is a welcome, if uncomfortable, truth.

“People are told to be more grateful, more faithful, to move on,” he says. “But there are intricate, decades-old wounds that shape every aspect of a person’s life — and they deserve to be acknowledged, not glossed over.”

The Problem with Forcing Reconciliation

In both of their practices, Whitney and Nate hear a recurring theme: the world wants people to forgive and reunite, especially with family, even when nothing has changed.

“Stop encouraging reconciliation when the person who did the harm isn’t even sorry,” Nate wrote in one of his posts.

He continues: “Reconciliation shouldn’t be the goal. Healing should. If someone’s body is screaming ‘I don’t feel safe,’ that should be enough.”

Whitney agrees. “People want to pretend everything is okay. But the truth is, estrangement is almost never about one argument or a misunderstanding — it’s the final result of years, even decades, of pain, denial, and survival.”

“Estrangement wasn’t the goal. It was the consequence.”

Nate’s story reflects a common but often hidden pattern: survivors of complex trauma who finally gather the courage to bring their truth to the table, only to be met with silence, blame, or outright rejection.

“I thought I was bringing context to help things get better,” he says. “But instead, my family essentially said, ‘Adapt better, or go.’ And I went.”

Yet over time, he says, it became one of the most liberating and healing decisions of his life. “I wish I had done it 15 years earlier. I would’ve stopped paying for things I didn’t deserve.”

Redefining Inner Child Work

Part of Nate’s personal healing came from a reframing of inner child work. Dissatisfied with traditional approaches, he created his own ceremony: photos from each year of his life, quotes, letters, and conversations with past versions of himself.

“What does the 14-year-old version of you need you to know?” he asks. “Are they still calling the shots when you’re triggered or in a relationship?”

This practice became the foundation for the writing and group work he now facilitates — safe, thoughtful spaces that avoid re-traumatization and focus on building peace within the mind and body.

"Vulnerability isn't oversharing — it's knowing when to protect your story."

Nate pushes back against the trend of trauma-dumping on social media under the guise of authenticity.

“You can be honest without being graphic. You can be vulnerable without retraumatizing yourself. Sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is say, ‘That part of my story isn’t for public consumption.’”

Both he and Whitney emphasize the importance of healing in community, but also the need to develop discernment. Not everyone earns the right to your full story, especially not the people who caused the wounds.

The Role of Parents — and the Ones Who Show Up Late

While many conversations around estrangement focus on blame, Nate holds space for the complexity. He describes the difference between the parents who double down on denial and those who show remorse.

“I read a comment once where a mother wrote to her estranged daughter, ‘I’ll never stop being sorry.’ And the daughter replied, ‘I’m proud of you, Mama.’ That’s reconciliation. That’s what it looks like when both people are ready.”

The Legacy of Nate’s Work

Despite the emotional toll, Nate continues sharing. Not because it’s easy, but because it helps people feel seen.

“90% of what I’ve posted is rooted in my own story,” he says. “But I write it in a way that other people can grab onto. People need something to hold.”

His message to anyone navigating the storm of trauma and estrangement is clear: “Find the underbelly — the people talking about the real things. And protect your story. You don’t owe it to anyone who won’t hold it with care.”

Where to Find Nate

Nate runs an online writing and reflection group focused on complex trauma, journaling, and building peace in the body. His workshops explore overlooked topics like sibling abuse and the softer side of healing.