Responding To Emotional Immaturity During The Holidays

Each year, Andrew finds himself in a familiar scenario: his mother, overwhelmed by hosting responsibilities, voices her frustrations and rejects every gift she’s given. Andrew then tries to console her and spends his entire evening making her feel better.

This year, armed with advice from his therapist—"You can’t control her, but you can control your response"—Andrew decides to approach the situation differently. As he enters his mother's home, greeted with a comment about his tardiness (he wasn’t late), he responds with a calm smile and tells his Mom it’s great to see her. This small adjustment changes the course of the evening and allows Andrew to feel in control of his holiday experience.

During dinner, when his mother begins her usual lament about the holiday burdens, Andrew acknowledges her efforts but gently suggests discussing support after dinner. He then changes the subject and engages his siblings in a conversation where they’re all able to connect and share. Again, this is different and it reaffirms Andrew’s belief that he can make different decisions on the holiday. His mother is likely confused by his new approach, but things are still progressing smoothly.

When the family moves on to gifts, another potential minefield, Andrew is prepared. When his carefully chosen gift—a luxurious robe meant to pamper his mother—is met with criticism, Andrew remains steady. He explains the thoughtfulness behind his choice and offers a practical solution without engaging in a debate, showing that kindness and boundaries can coexist.

By setting boundaries, staying present, and responding with empathy, Andrew is able to create a more harmonious holiday experience for himself and his loved ones.

The holiday season can be both a time of joy and a source of stress, especially when family dynamics come into play. Many of us have experienced moments where family expectations clash with personal boundaries, leading to tension and frustration. However, with a mindful approach, it's possible to transform these interactions into opportunities for growth and connection.

This holiday season, consider how you might apply these principles to your own family gatherings. Remember that you can choose your response, even in the face of adversity.