Love Your Family Like They Could Leave You

A popular estranged-parent TikTok creator (yes, this is a thing) came across my feed last week. She was upset about the advice from Dr. Lindsey C. Gibson. I'm paraphrasing here: treat your adult child like a cherished friend.

I remember hearing Dr. Gibson say this on Oprah's podcast about family estrangement and thinking yes, this is it. This is the whole thing. I had absolutely no idea this advice would be controversial to anyone.

But this mother was furious. Parents shouldn't have to follow the same rules as friends, she said. Parents have earned the right to be in their child's life. There should be no constraints on their behavior.

I sat with that word "earned" for a long time.

Because here's what she was really saying: I should be able to treat my child in ways that would end a friendship, and they should have to stay.

And honestly? This is how most families operate. We do tend to treat our friends better than our family members. Not because we love them more, but because we know they can leave. We are on our best behavior with friends. We watch our tone. We respect their boundaries. We say thank you, and I'm sorry, and I shouldn't have said that. Some people treat a stranger in the grocery store infinitely better than they treat their family.

With our kids, something different kicks in. Adults know, on some level, that their children cannot leave. Outside of CPS or the police showing up at the door, their children must endure whatever is said or done to them. The relationship feels guaranteed, so the need to be kind like a friend becomes optional.

The epiphany: What if we treated family like people who could walk away? Not out of fear, but because that's what love without entitlement actually looks like. What if we treated our family like people that we want to invest in and keep?

Try this today: Think about one person in your family, and ask yourself: Would I treat a close friend this way? You don't have to do anything with the answer. Just let it sit. That question has a way of clarifying things all on its own.

Inside The Family Cyclebreakers Club this week, we're talking about de-centering your family, finding confidence without explanation, and building a life that doesn't revolve around people who treated the relationship like something you couldn't cancel. The new article, script, video, and worksheet are all live.

See you next week,

Whitney Goodman (@sitwithwhit)

Calling Home Founder

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