Realizing Your Family Is Dysfunctional

Realizing things about your family is hard. It’s so hard that most people will spend their entire lives trying to avoid it. It's like walking on a tightrope, where one wrong move could lead to an emotional free fall. It's not because these realizations are inherently bad or harmful. In fact, they are often the key to understanding ourselves better and breaking free from harmful patterns that have been passed down through generations.

Are You Justifying Harmful Actions?

This is why people who were hurt by their parents are more likely to say, “I was a bad kid,” than they are to say, “My parent hurt me.” It's a defense mechanism, a way to make sense of the hurt they experienced. After all, it's easier to blame ourselves than to admit that the people who were supposed to love and protect us were the ones who caused us pain.

Breaking the Cycle

It’s why generations of adults continue to repeat the same patterns over and over despite being hurt by those same actions in their own childhood. If we want to change something, first, we have to admit that we were harmed. That hurts, and it’s hard. Acknowledging this truth is the first step towards healing and breaking the cycle.

Moving Towards Change

You are reading this because you are trying to break patterns. You might be in the process of realizing and hoping to move into a state of change. The journey is tough, and the road ahead may seem blurry but remember that every step you take is a step towards a healthier and happier you.

The Pain of Realization

But so many people get stuck in the realization because it’s just so damn painful. I’ve had many clients in my therapy office tell me about their traumatic family experiences, and when I say, “Wow, that’s hard, and it shouldn’t have happened,” they recoil from the support. It's like shining a light on a wound that's been hidden for years. It's uncomfortable, it's scary, but it's necessary for healing.

The Challenge of Acceptance

You may truly want that validation, but you avoid it because accepting it would mean having to admit that you’re hurt and that someone hurt you. The person who hurt you is also probably someone who was supposed to love and protect you. Accepting this truth is incredibly difficult, but it's the only way to truly move forward and break free from the chains of the past.