The Family Meeting
December 5th, 2022
Learn why your family needs a regular meeting.
The Family Meeting is a regular, scheduled time when your family will discuss:
- achievements
- what’s coming up on the calendar
- division of labor
- stressful or serious issues
- compliments
- complaints
- unresolved issues
…and whatever else is on your mind.
Ideally, your family will sit down for a regular meeting at the frequency that makes sense for you. Most families appreciate (at a minimum) a weekly check-in and a more intensive monthly meeting. What matters most is that you are consistent and clear and that important members of the family are able to participate.
Why You Need A Family Meeting
When families don’t have a space where they can check in, celebrate, share their grievances, and distribute labor, things get messy fast. Family members start to suppress issues, labor isn’t divided evenly, and the family unit becomes less connected.
If your family was a business, would it succeed? Here are some things to think about:
- How much time are you spending on your family? If you were spending this much time on any other important project, what do you think the results would be?
- Would you speak to employees, coworkers, or my employer the way that you speak to my family members? Yes, the way we speak to our families is very different (and it should be), but we want to pay attention to things like criticism, contempt, yelling, shaming, etc. If you’re doing all those things with your family and you’d never dream of behaving that way in public, there is something up.
- Do you have routine opportunities to enjoy your family and your success?
- Do you understand your family members and their unique needs?
- Do you have an idea of what each member of the family is responsible for? Imagine if you worked in an office where no one knew what their responsibilities were; it would be chaos.
- Do members of the family receive positive feedback from each other? Is there a way to know that you’re doing a good job?
- Do you have a system for handling complaints or issues within the family?
If you’re reading these questions and thinking, “Wow, my family isn’t operating at its full potential…” You need a family meeting.
Planning Your First Family Meeting
Before you have your first family meeting, you need to make a few decisions.
- Who needs to be at your family meetings?
- How often should you have meetings? If you live together, weekly might be best, but for some family systems monthly or quarterly is sufficient.
- How long does the meeting need to be?
- A day, time, and location that will work for everyone.
- General rules for the meeting (like no interrupting, everyone gets to share, be kind, etc.)
- What do you want to make sure you cover in every meeting? (Could be compliments, where you need some help, or what’s coming up on the calendar.)